Kris talks about the extra-larges in his life

 

Kris here,

My lovely wife took some important time last week to discuss something important to her heart. I applaud you Tina! So I thought I’d spend this week talking about something special to my own stomach heart. A weight loss journey can’t be possible without the most important ingredient of all.

Food!

So let’s talk about pizza today. It’s fine, Tina will be fine with it. You can trust me.

There are some important choices you have to make when discussing kinds of pizza to eat. The first one is of course whether you’re in Italy, New York or Boston or some place that will actually get me shanked for talking about non-Italian, New York or Boston pizza. I don’t live there so I’m going to sadly be discussing just regular, make-it-yourself or buy-from-some-place type pizza. Just so we’re all on an even, easy to understand, cheesy playing field.

We have to start with the layered or stuffed type pizzas of course. That’s kind of cheating isn’t it? Making a pizza and then basically hiding another pizza inside of it? What is this, 2000 calories per slice? Guh, they’re so amazing and obviously the best . I know some places have started up some gimmicky, let me turn your crust into cheesebread or some kinda crust-to-breadstick transformation. Let me tell you about those: they’re amazing too. Yeah I know, THIS is why I’m on a weight loss journey! Sheesh.

We could talk about the bread/crust/cauliflower or whatever that you actually bake everything on top of, but honestly it’s just a vehicle for the rest of the food. Do what you want peeps.

So we skip to the wet ingredients on the dough-bits that keep everything from drying out and burning to dust. Tomato-based sauces are what I see most of the time and they ARE good, I love em to death. It’s a bit played out though, right? That’s why I like to shake it up. Some things go well with sweeter sauces, like pulled pork and barbecue sauce or a nice taco pizza with a spicy, mildly sweet sauce. Honestly any reason to add tacos to my life is a win. Alfredo sauces, cheese sauces, olive oil, cream cheese – all these are a great way to stick more food on top of your food.

Lastly, and most importantly, the actual toppings you put on the pizza itself. Lots of people I know just like cheese. I guess that’s fine, just laying like 6 pounds of cheese on a pizza is fine, I’m okay with that. Let’s go ahead and call out the elephant I’m building into the room: if you don’t like a good ham and pineapple pizza you can go right on down to hell. Sweet and salty is a classic combination – and if you put mushrooms on it, then I’ll even be your friend. Let’s not get carried away now – it’s not the only combination, but damned if it isn’t the only one I have to hide like a coke addict.

“Akerlund! What are you eating over there?”
“Oh this boss? Uhh, uhh nothing. Nothing I was just doing drugs” *snorting pineapple through a straw*
“Good man!”

I think I’m the only person in my close circle of friends that loves to just throw all kinds of stuff on the food. Tina wants cheese and spinach, Nik’ll eat any meat or cheese. I’m over at my own table like “Hey you guys want a piece of this pepperoni-sausage-mushroom-black olive-onion-green pepper-jalapeno-roast tomato pizza?” And everyone else bought their own table so they could ban me from it and they’re over there like “I swear if you step one foot closer I’m calling a priest! Get back!” It’s such a cruel, cruel world sometimes.

Let me know what other things are actually the best foods or pizza toppings and I’ll put it on a list of things to keep pictures of in my wallet. I like playing around in the kitchen quite a bit, so pictures are my inspiration when I get goin’.

Author: keyboardcouple

A couple who write and learn in front of their keyboards.

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