In which Kris and Tina have a chat

Hello Keyboard Couple readers!

Kris here,

Tina and I had a bit of a chat and decided to go ahead and use that for our post this week! It’s just a silly chat waiting in the car for the boy at school, but it’s also a good way for us to learn how to upload this audio and bring more interesting topics in the future. Drop us a comment if you have any pointers here, we’re just winging it  as we go.

Thanks for listening, and stay strong! It’s Friday out there!

Waiting for the fall

So often my life has been full of great chances or experiences followed by huge falls. I often tell people that I don’t have a fear of heights, just a fear of falling, because I know how much it hurts when you land.

I find that this has slowly been changing for me. As I work on bettering myself for me, I have found that I take great pride in my ups and lessons in my downs. No longer do I fear the fall because it will hurt. I understand that falls happen and that if I breath and use my tools I can learn from them and grow in a new or better way next time. So, Let’s talk about what I am pumped about doing.

So far I have lost over 10lbs. Which is amazing for me. Not just a loose it and gain it back like normal but a good month or two of being down in my weight. Or as my handsome husband likes to say, “Making new lows and lowering our highs.” He is right. When I stopped looking at it as a loose or you lose, I started noticing that yes sometimes I go up, but I have been rocketing down so even as I gain a little here or there, they are my new high which is still much lower then my old high. With that I have been pushing on. Focusing on my body and what I eat. Pushing myself to do more and move as much as I can without hurting myself.

Another thing I have going is my business. I started a new company called Mochi Photography. I had an idea a year and a half ago to have a booth where cosplayers or families could come and take pictures during their convention. I am also selling plushies and other crafty things I make in my spare time. I am now working on my sales pitch to get into daycare centers and other children rich areas where I can take pictures for them.

My other ongoing project is school! I am now in my second year of school to get my business degree. I am proud to say that my grades are awesome, my work is…. in by the due date, and I have really enjoyed the classes so far. I am so proud of myself for having stuck to my schooling and keeping up with it regardless of how I am feeling that week. I keep reminding myself that I started this school at the same time as Nik to keep me accountable. If he can do it so can I!

And one of my greatest ongoing joys is that Nik is doing so great in school. He is even leading the pack in the emergency drills and keeping focused on his work without a teacher or helper around to help. This is a big change from last year at the end of the year and a huge relief to my anxiety!

With all that said, I still have one more thing I am picking up in the next two months or so. I will be doing NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. I am going to focus down and split up my current novel work into a few novellas. So my project in November will be writing every day, and a deadline to finish the first draft of my Novella by the end of November.

So much to do, I am feeling a little tired just talking about it. Guess I should take a nap really quick before getting back to my homework, Mochi plushie making for this weekend, and taking care of Nik…… Nahhhhh I got this!

Well Hello There!

Tina here!

Long time no….. uh…. you reading my rabbeling? Anyway, I feel Kris did a really great job talking about why we just vanished. So I am going to move on from it.

My days have been filled with Anxiety, Stress, Depression and Self Reflection.

Anxiety because of my own finals for my last term of my first year of college. Anxiety because of my son starting back to school after having such a terrifying last month of school last year. Anxiety because of taking on my book again and breaking it down into novellas instead the Fuster Cluck that it is now. Anxiety because of pushing myself toward progress and goals and ignoring the screaming voice in my head that wants me to stop and hide away and just let things be as they are or have always been.

Stressed because my insurance stopped paying for my mental health doctors, so now I have to find new ones, because that wasn’t stressful enough the first time. Stressed because I feel torn in so many ways to do what my heart wants over what my head tells me is logical. Stressed because I fail to share with my support structure what is really going on with me and I fall into a black hole of suck. Stressed to be a better mother to my son who needs so much support right now. Stressed to be a better mother to my other son who is at a turning point in his life and I am missing everything. Stressed to be a better wife, daughter, niece, friend, sister, and just person to myself.

Depressed because I allow myself to fall into the holes. Depressed because I can’t keep up with my own ever changing feelings let alone keep everyone else up to date. Depressed because I know I used to do more, but now I feel so useless. Depressed because I can’t seem to shake the feeling of failing. Depressed because although so many things have been going right, I am still waiting for them to all go wrong. Which has lead to my husband insisting on Self Reflection.

Reflecting on the changes and progress I have made in the last year. Reflecting on how much stronger the understanding between me and my husband has made us and our relationship. Reflecting about how my goals have been met or surpassed and I keep reaching higher and higher, becoming less and less afraid of the fall. Reflecting on the people in my life who have brought me new joy and hope with their love and friendship. Reflecting on the opportunities that I have made for myself. Reflecting on my own strength and creativity regardless of what I can’t do any more.

So this time has been a time of chaos and discovery and I can’t wait to share more and more with all of you. I have more on my plate, but I have some ideas of some really great things to share with you all!

See Ya Later!

Mark – 3 – Short story Saturday

Hi Ya’ll, Tina here again! I know you missed me.

Yeah last week was kinda left to the side lines. Kris was cleaning, I was getting to be mother to both of my boys at the same time and deal with my Still in training crazy pupper Izzy. Well, Now I am back home in my amazingly beautiful house(Thanks Kris!!!) and ready to get back to work. School has started back up and I am excited to finish out my very first year of college! Now, To continue the story of Mark and see where it goes.

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Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding. The bell chimed five times. The smell of smoke filled Mark’s nose as he took a deep breath in, waking up from his nap. He blinked his eyes and slowly looked around. The room was a deep rich brown color filled with Victorian looking decorations. It looked as if he had just stepped into a Sherlock Holmes novel. To be sure, it was one of his most cherished books as a kid and well into his adulthood. He could recite the various titles by heart and give you a run down of each one. He looked around the room and then down to his own two feet.

His shoes were nothing but some very soft looking house slippers. He was wearing loose fitting pajamas and a robe over a night shirt. He looked at his hands. The long lines and tawny strength of them gave him the faint memory of his teen years working around the small town he grew up in fixing things and helping with general projects. He was missing some scars that he had rightly acquired as a young man and they seemed to be much softer then he recalled.

The soft click of the door being opened brought him out of his self evaluation.

“Master Mark, Your dinner and Ms. Arthur are waiting in the dining room.” The soft, older voice of a woman called.

“Uh, Okay. Thank you very much!” The door shut and Mark stood up. As he did he spotted himself in the mirror above the fireplace. A younger looking man with the breath of youth still in his eyes was looking back. Mark realized that this dream was a nightmare, he was 16 again. No one wants that.

~~~~~

Walking into the dining room Mark took note of the man standing off to the side looking like a proper butler. Seated at the table was a beautiful young woman with golden waves of hair and an elegantly styled bun upon her head. She looked up and smiled. The smile and crinkle of her eyes reminded Mark of something foggy in the back of his mind.

“Oh, Mark dear! Have a seat, you must be famished.” The woman cooed.

Mark started to take a seat in the chair across from her on the side of the table. A curt cough echoed the room from the man near by. He lowered his hand and walked over to pull out the chair at the head of the table. Ms. Arthur’s face broke into a small grin. Mark scurried over to the chair, feeling slightly odd about taking the head seat at the table.

“Um, Ms. Arthur was it?” She nodded as plates were brought out. “What is going on? Why am I sitting at the head?”

Ms. Arthur’s smile faded, “Do you not remember anything? The conversation, the Trip, the conversion?” Mark shook his head. “Oh, dear, you must be so confused. Well, after we got here they gave you the age you had asked for and then reviewed your tastes to see where we might be best placed. I didn’t really have any preferences but they said for the job you were here to do, This would be the best setting and time placement.”

Mark shook his head as food was placed in front of him. A warm soup that smelled slightly sweet and savory. “I-I’m not quite sure what is going on. Can you explain more?”

Ms. Arthur thought for a moment and seemed to jump slightly in her chair as she though of an idea. She reached over and picked up a book from the floor next to her.

“Here, they said this should help you understand.”

Mark took the book and saw the words that were so familiar to him. ‘Tales of Sir Sherlock Holmes’.

Road Trips

Howdy everyone. Tina here.

I am currently out here in Oklahoma so that I can act as a taxi for my eldest kiddo. Taking him back and forth to Band camp and Robotics camp. I got to see a really awesome thunderstorm and have been working on some new shirt designs that I really enjoy. I have to say over all this trip has been useful. It is my first trip in a long time without Kris which made both of us super nervous. Lots of texts and phone calls. I have still had my share of panic attacks, anxiety fueled nausea, and bouts of not being able to walk without assistance. However, the major thing is, I have been able to keep going. I am still here. I am still doing all the mom things that need to be done and I am finding a way past my own problems. My husband has been an amazing support system and I still call him when I start to feel overwhelmed. However, being here and doing these things has helped me mentally to understand that I can still be a mom and get done the things that need to be done.

I love my family and every day that I get to spend out here with them helps to remind me of the love and support that I have with me in my life. My family is also learning that the young girl they knew as she grew up has matured and grown as an adult as well. That minor things that I may have blown out of proportion as a younger Tina are no longer met with world ending panic. Now I just shrug and have a more, “Welp, if I can’t fix it now, it wasn’t meant to be changed.” kind of attitude.

Seeing how I have grown based on the reactions of my family has been a blessing to be sure. It is often hard to see ourselves or our own changes because we have such an up close and issue focused perspective. If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to allow others to grace you with the gift of their own perspective. Allow yourself to understand that what you see all the time might leave out the leaps and bounds of changes you have made. Also, I love you all. Keep your chin up and understand that what happens today doesn’t have to happen tomorrow.