Better Late than Never

Tina Here!

Sorry about that lack in post on Wednesday. It was my day and although everyone around me has said, “Why don’t you pre-write the posts?” Well, I am an authentic writer. I like to write something that is relevant to what is going on with me at the time. However, this leads to some of the same issues we just had. I was bogged down with Doctor appointments of various kinds on Wednesday, which is also my Pathfinder game night where I am the DM, and it was the last day of the week for my online school to turn in work for that week. So I thought, ehh, I will be a day late. NOPE! My life had plans.

One of the greatest things that has happened this year was the meeting of my amazing friend Gen. She is a freaking god send. She loves the same stuff I do, she is right on key with goals and life goals. She is, as one of my favorite books Anne of Green Gables, would say, my bosom friend. Someone that it seems like my life was never whole without. She understands me, she listens and I love her to pieces. Gen has, above everything else she has done for me, inspired me to follow my dreams of owning my own cafe. A dream I have held in my heart since middle school. The reason she comes up now is because yesterday she came over to work on homework with me and we got sidetracked and started talking about my plans for a cafe again. She started asking me some really tough questions about funding and where I was going to get the money for start up and such and it got us cooking on how to make this thing really happen.

So, I would like to introduce Keyboard Crafts. My new craft Etsy store. I am working on finishing up things like logos and other set ups, but I will be crafting for my cafe, using the money I make to fund my dreams. I enjoy making all kinds of crafts, from crocheting cute little dolls, to making notebooks, soaps and custom designed shirts. So keep an eye out for that stuff and a link to the store to come up soon.

In other news, I am now in my 4th Term of school! I have almost finished my first year!!!!! I am so freaking excited and can’t wait to look back at everything I have done and use it as fuel anytime I start feeling low. I got this! We got this! YOU got this! Let’s go make stuff happen!

Triple S Day, Tina Style!

Triple S = Short Story Saturday, in case you hadn’t picked that up yet. So Kris started Triple S so he could share some of his creative juice with the world. He asked me if I was ever planning on writing something on it.

Nawh man, I didn’t sign up to write more than one post every other week bro! Yet here I am, writing something. *sigh* That man has the sweetest puppy dog eyes. So, a word of warning before you read any more. I tend to write things that are creepy or more adult in nature.

 

Today I would like to bring you into my living nightmares. The dark parts of my life that only I get to experience. The constant worry, caution, and alertness that keeps me from ever getting a full nights rest. You are going to be giving yourself over to me. Letting my eyes become your eyes. Letting me hear for you. Letting you feel the claws that reach out toward you in the night. Let me start by telling you about Bobo. Bobo is in his mid to late thirties. As the name might suggest, he is in fact a clown. Bobo doesn’t have any one hair color, it changes every time I see him. His face is always stark white with the faintest hint of gray blue underneath. His eyes, mouth and nose are accented with a rusted iron red. You know, the color of dried blood. His posture is slumped and he walks in an odd alternating hobble. His voice changes from higher pitched to low rumbling when he gets angry, and he gets angry about everything. I first met him when I was 7 after falling out of a tree. Mom hard rejected the pain meds the ER gave her for me. However, after a full 24 hours of a crying 7 year old in pain, she gave in. That is when I discovered him as I tried to go to my room when I was tired. He stopped me and with his dulled, brown and broken teeth and rotten milk smelling breath, his bloodshot eyes looked me over and he shrugged.

“Alright kid, hand over your fingers. I need to nibble something off.” He wasn’t scary to me at the time, just like one of the adults I was used to dealing with from mom’s work or daycare.

I sat down and tucked my hands into my crossed legs. Being sure to keep my toes hidden as well. “No thank you. Why do you need to nibble something off?”

He looked me over again and sat back. “It’s the rules, I am a cannibal and I have to eat little kids who see me in hallways.” His face seemed shocked, like no one had ever asked him before.

“What is a cannibal? Is it another way to say clown?” I was careful to not shift into the hallway.

“No, I mean, I am a clown but I am a Cannibalistic Clown. It means I eat humans. Mostly little kids. They are the easiest to chew as their bones are still a little chewy.” His voice echoing the ideas that the doctor might have talked about at the ER. I sat there continuing the conversation until my mother realized that I was not in bed and it was now 10 pm. My little brother having long since given up trying to talk to me. The hallway was dark and my mother hesitant to interrupt.

“Christina, why are you not in bed?” She started helping me stand up.

“Because Bobo the Cannibalistic Clown said that even though I am a nice girl he would have to eat me if I went into the hallway.”

My mother stunned at the use of the word Cannibalistic from her 7 year old. Paused for a moment to discover a comeback to my crazy. “Well, how about I walk with you?”

I looked to Bobo for confirmation. “Nope,” I said sadly, “He said that he would just wait til you left and waste my blood on the floor and come after you next, Under your bed.” I struck some cord in her fear as she went white.

“Well, what can we do?” She whispered.

I look to my new friend and seemed to be given an answer. “Well, he says we could sacrifice a chicken, because he is scared of chickens.”

My mother went and got a stuffed chicken, returned and with a satisfied nod I showed it to Bobo. I smiled wide and turned to my mother. “He says even though he is scared of chickens he wants to visit me again. So if I just keep the chicken I will be safe.” And off I walked to bed. My mother did not tuck me in that night. He came back lots of times. Even still. He is the oldest of my vision friends. People only I can see.

What scares you?

Troubled waters

Tina here!

Back with some more life happenings. Recently we have been running into issues with our youngest and his behavior at school. This has caused me to have extreme anxiety and worry about things that shouldn’t matter to me. Such as what the school thinks of me and my parenting, what other parents think, and what they expect me to do. Because at this point I am lost.

I expected him to have a fabulous time in school. To make tons of friends, maybe some problems with trying to talk too much but overall to enjoy the learning experience. He loves to learn new facts and information, he loves talking to anyone and everyone. This is the child who would seek out the grumpiest looking person and y’all to them till they smiled for him.

What I wasn’t expecting was randomly walking/running out of class and trying to escape the school. Kicking his fellow student over things such as them laughing at him or as children tend to do, ignore each other by repeatedly saying the same word over and over again. He has been destructive to other people’s belongings, stealing from his teacher for rewards he feels like he should have had. He was dangerous to other students and was suspended from school for a day.

What is going on? When I was asked to come in and pick him up I saw some child that was definitely not my sweet boy. I was worried he took something he shouldn’t have and was reacting to it violently. We will be starting Threopy this Friday not just for him but for Kris and I to understand how to best help him and work on these things together.

As Kris so wisely said to me,”Remember, this is not us vs him, but Mom, Dad, and Nik vs these problems. We are a team and will work them out as a team.”

What problems have your team helped you defeat?

A Dream is a wish your heart makes…

Tina here. It has been a while since I was last able to make a post! Kris made sure to bust my chops about getting a post done for this week.

Today I would like to talk about dreams. Not like the kind you have when you are sleeping but just things you want to do with your life. Big topic I know. I think we can work on this.

First thing, I wanted to make sure to touch on this subject far from any dates that might draw you to make yourself promises out of obligation. I want a more organic feel to the ideas you have. So, to get this whole ball rolling, let me share some of my dreams with you. NOTE: Many of them are contradictory to each other. That’s okay I think. It gives me lots of paths to look at.

Small time dreams:

So this is anything from getting Nik to pick up his own toys without being asked, to finishing my new Jenna Moreci book.

Small time dreams are there to help remind you that little steps can have a large change in your life. I like to have lots of little dreams that I can work toward. Currently, I want to help Kris get our kitchen in order, renovate the yard, which can be broken down as: plant in front garden, clear out spaces, plant garden in back, fertilizing the yard, and setting up a single place for Izzy to go to the bathroom and training her to use it. All for the dream of having a lovely yard for my friends, and family to enjoy this summer. I want to be able to host people during events like RTX where I work as a Guardian. I live close enough to Austin that doing a cook out or something with local Guardians would be fun. My son is also starting to get to the age where he wants to have people over to play with him. I want them to be able to have nerf battles out in the yard without having to worry about landmines of dog poo or fire ant hills. Our kitchen has slowly started to build up the things we want to use to make our own food, however, we are quickly running out of space for it all. We needed to work on storage solutions. We made a great stride on this front this week in buying a large shelf from Costco to keep our small appliances and Nik’s lunch stuff on. So he can help in making his own lunch each day.

 

Big/Distant Dreams:

These are not impossible, they are going to just take some work to get to the end of, and I have to keep reminding myself what I am working toward. College. I have been attempting to go to college and further my education since I found out I was pregnant my Senior year of high school. I always found reasons to fall out or fail, or reasons found me. However, now I am enrolled in a free online school working toward my degree in Business. Which will push me toward my other dreams. Such as running my own cafe. I had a dream my first year of high school, that one day I wanted to open my own cafe. A place that I would have wanted, and that I heard my friends longing for. Just a place that was easy to love. I have named, dreamed, and built this place in my head for years and years. Getting my degree is the first step to moving me to understanding everything it will take to not only make it happen, but make it work for a long time. This dream however does directly conflict with my life long dream of living in Japan. Japan has been a dream of mine since I was 11. I was largely influenced by a man named Ken Yamamoto. He was a family friend and gave me my first taste and understanding of his home country. Since 11 years old. I wanted to go to Japan. I went for my 17th birthday, thanks to hard work and an amazing Aunt and Uncle, I was granted the chance to visit for 3 months of my summer. I loved every second of it. Even when I cried, even when I was unsure. I loved it all. I want to move there. However, now I have a family. Not having a degree limits my options, and each time I take a step closer, I get pulled a little tighter to stay stateside.

 

These are all things that I am always dreaming of and working for. It keeps me active every day, working toward each one. What kind of dreams are you working for?

Spring breaktimes

Kris here!

I was going to write a blog post with a picture for one of my short stories, but I didn’t get that all the way done yet. I also haven’t completed the other short story I was writing but that should be for Saturday anyway. The reason I haven’t finished those is because of visiting children for the week, so let’s talk about them instead!

Children are terrible great. So much youth and vibrance, vitality and. Uh, attitude. Sheesh!

I kid of course, just as they are. We’ve been having a great time what with my being at work the entire duration of their stay, and them being jerks angels and drinking all my juice. I’ve been considering spiking it with nyquil but I think that would make them stronger. I also perfected my macaroni and cheese consistency and I consider that a week well spent.

We’ve got a couple of card and video games under our belts so far. Now that I’ll be finished working for the week, I was preparing to have them clean out the entire garage. I think this week is going to turn out really swell after all! And now, I’ll magically take some photos and add them to the post even though I’m nowhere near them for several hours:

Hi, I’m Tina, The scary one.

So my husband, has had to deal with so much, uh, trauma from this marriage that I don’t know that he could ever recover. He has grown so adapted to my little ticks and tricks that sometimes I even forget things that he remembers in a snap.

Because of this I have taken him to every doctor’s appointment I can so that I don’t miss anything and I have extra ears to absorb the information. Let me tell you about a time that my migraine made me forget how to speak English.

So first off, my family was in town visiting us and I was feeling kind of off all day. I would forget words or stutter frequently. The kids got into a fight and the adults were all yelling and the color of the room just, shifted. I felt dizzy and went to sit down. Followed in by my aunt who found me shaking bad enough to worry and go grab my husband. He came in and when I would try and tell him about the colors or the pain in my head. I would just stutter the words out. It got worse and worse to the point where I couldn’t say anything. However, I know my letters in ASL as does he, and we have been learning Japanese together for some time now. So, I attempted in both ways to tell him what was going on. We were both baffled. My family was freaked out. I was freaked out, and with anxiety as a major issue for me, I was doing my best just to not break down and bawl in a hole for the next week.

My aunt agreed to watch the kids as my husband drove me to the ER, however, we had noted a few days before that an ER clinic had opened up down the street from the hospital. It was associated with the hospital and had lots of equipment to take care of us. So we popped in there. As we walked in, me clinging to Kris’ arm to be steady enough to walk. The nurse started our check in. Because I couldn’t talk, Kris was doing all the talking for me, as I would tap him and remind him of something in ASL. I don’t know what triggered it for them, but one of them said they had paperwork for him to fill out and they would take me back to a room to get me set up and take my vitals. What happened next still makes me angry.

I was bombarded with various nurses and doctors all trying to get me to talk to them. Saying things like, “It’s alright, he can’t get to you here, we won’t let him back.” I tried signing to them that I wasn’t being abused but they didn’t know any ASL. They handed me paper and that is when I learned that I also couldn’t read or write anything. Like at all. I started to cry in frustration as I pushed harder and harder to speak in English and all that would happen is stuttering and extreme pain in my head. Like level 11 out of 10. They kept trying to get me to lay down and just breath but at that point I just wanted my husband so he could explain, or translate. I pushed past them all, shoving several out of my way, with tears streaming down my face. I walked back out to the front where I could hear Kris asking to see me and being told that they just needed a few more mins with me. I came out the door to see him being bullied by a 5ft nothing nurse. He was shaken when he saw how upset I was, but all I did was yell profanities in Japanese and grab his arm and try to drag him out of there. He stopped me and made me breath, holding me close and shielding me from the nurses and doctors that had come chasing after me. I signed to him that they though he hurt me. He confronted them and called them out on assuming and refusing to listen. I wanted to leave. Go home or to the hospital down the street, but by this point I could barely walk. I started shaking badly again and Kris took me to the room they had set up for me and held my hand the whole time they talked to me from then on. I told him to tell them that they needed to learn ASL. He didn’t. But this man was my rock then, and will be forever.

Side note: after several hours of tests, the doctor calling people for ideas and lots of meds, I was able to slowly come back into some kind of normal and we were discharged.

That time Kris was scared of Tina

Kris here

Tina’s been writing quite a bit lately about some personal things she’s been going through and I’m very proud she’s advanced to the point that she can share these things. She gave me the go ahead recently to discuss another rare facet of her glowing personality, so I decided to give it a brief mention. Something she can’t tell you about, because she’s never been there!

There are a lot of preconceptions in the world, and I’m not really sure how or where I’ve built all mine up. The one I wasn’t prepared to have shattered was the one about sleepwalking. Do people actually sleepwalk? Heck I don’t know, it’s just a movie trope I guess. I’ve moved rooms and not remembered it, or told someone how to solve a math problem and then lapsed into unconsciousness. Is that sleepwalking? Maybe, but let me tell you about some stuff I’ve learned in the last ten years.

Firstly, there are different levels of sleep walking and my experiences certainly don’t span the spectrum – they only span my wife.

The first time I encountered this was about seven or eight years ago. Tina jabbed me awake a bit roughly, so I jolted up like the house was on fire. “Zomg what’s wrong!” I looked to my adorable wife in alarm. She stared at me. Just..staring. And then she handed me a small children’s toy. Okay sure, but what’s the matter! I took the toy from her hands and investigated, maybe it was actually going to explode? No, no it’s just a toy. She bolted from the room into the pitch-black kitchen and rushed over to the fridge and just stood there. She was staring at the closed laundry door for about a minute or so in the darkness and obviously I’m a grown adult, so I’m not going anywhere near. I’ve seen the Blair Witch project dang it. She yanked the freezer open, talking about “I have to save them! I have to save them” Looking frantically, tossing stuff every which way. I flipped the light on in my room and followed her into the kitchen.

“Saving who Tina?”

She plucks this bag out of the freezer in triumph, backing away from me clutching the bag like a stolen candy bar. “I have to save the peas”

“The …the peas?”

My wide-eyed wife ran into the bathroom with those frozen peas and climbed into the bathtub, where she stayed in a state of panic until she fell asleep about 5 minutes later. A minute or two following, she woke up super groggy and disoriented.

“Kris, why am I in the bathtub?”

What did we learn from this experience? Well, Tina is just so cute and terrifying. Sleep walking can apparently turn you into a different person with very different goals than your usual self. Lastly, if someone wakes you up in the middle of the night and then runs off into the other room to stand unmoving in the darkness, just hide until they get into the bathtub and everything should be fine.